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Problems with being a male

spacedoutsparrow:

  • Having emotions is seen as weakness
  • Admitting weakness is seen as an even greater weakness
  • Being called a sexual deviant or a pervert because you were expressing your sexuality
  • A girl beating you in any physical competition makes you inferior
  • Being superficial makes you a pig but a woman being superficial is fine
  • Makeup isn’t even an option
  • Not living up to the insanely unrealistic ideal of manhood automatically makes you gay
  • Being gay is seen as weak
  • There’s no getting around the size of your “manhood”
  • You can’t report sexual assaults because being a male victim is worse than being the rapist
  • No male specific support groups or movements
  • Women comparing incomparable experiences unique to both sexes
  • Unequal parental rights
  • Extreme feminists treating you less than human
  • Women can blame all men or say they are all the same but if a man blames women they’re sexist pigs
  • People dismissing your problems automatically because the universe is obviously rigged in your favor in every scenario imaginable
  • No one will read this past the title

Oh hello there. Whoever wrote this probably doesn’t understand that (most) feminists (specifically those who support insersectional feminist theory) are actually not supportive of just women’s rights, but HUMAN rights, as in EQUALITY FOR ALL GROUPS.

So, here’s my commentary for each and every point, just to help you understand the amount of privilege you have as a man in our society.

  • 1) Having emotions is seen as weakness — A result of patriarchy. Feminism supports that EVERYONE should be allowed to be as emotional as they need to be. Because really, a world where everyone bottles up their feelings = a world where everyone will probably end up going insane and killing each other haha. And who wants that? Feminism is ALL about open conversation and discussing why certain things are the way they are, and how those things can change.
  • 2) Admitting weakness is seen as an even greater weakness — This is a vague statement, unless you mean admitting physical weakness. If that’s the case, then seeing a ~*~*BIG STRONG MACHO DUDE~*~* as being a ~*~REAL MAN*~*~ = yet another result of patriarchy/machismo culture.
  • 3) Being called a sexual deviant or a pervert because you were expressing your sexuality — MOTHERFUCKER, PLEASE. A major double standard still exists where plenty of women are shamed for their desires to be sexual beings. That same amount of shaming does not exist for men (depending on your peer group, most religious groups frown upon any sexual activity without being married), and they are usually encouraged to have multiple partners, and are seen as more masculine for doing so.

    What matters is HOW you go about expressing your sexuality. For example: You are obviously considered a sexual deviant or pervert if you touch a girl without her consent, or if she asks you to stop and you continue anyway (hint: you won’t get any luck if you end up calling said girl a bitch/dyke just because she doesn’t want to waste her time with you, aforementioned girl does not owe you ANYTHING, much like you don’t owe her anything except for the common decency of leaving her alone when she asks you to do so). You’re obviously considered a pervert if you whistle or scream “HEY, NICE ASS” while driving past a girl. If you are decent enough of a human being to understand that public space does not mean any human being is public property, and even know how to approach a girl in a manner where you do not force unwarranted contact upon her, chances are you are less likely to be seen as a pervert.
  • 4) A girl beating you in any physical competition makes you inferior — oh, really? Because I’m pretty sure that just makes her the winner in whichever physical competition you guys participated in. And GASP, the fact that she participated at all, that would make her your equal. HOW DARE SHE!!! A WOMAN??? YOUR EQUAL?? WHAT NONSENSE!!!!!!
  • 5) Being superficial makes you a pig but a woman being superficial is fine — LOL in what WORLD is this even REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE? Unless that’s what you’re looking for in a friends-with-benefits type of relationship/one-night-stand experience, being entirely superficial (see: only being physically attracted to a person and not considering their personality at all) makes you a superficial asshole, period. Male or female.
  • 6) Makeup isn’t even an option — I personally know several dudes (straight and gay) who use makeup to cover up minor blemishes on their faces/bodies. I do not mind it at all. If you see something wrong with dudes who use makeup, that sounds like a gender-biased problem, and you probably need to examine why you have a problem with it.
  • 7) Not living up to the insanely unrealistic ideal of manhood automatically makes you gay — ANOTHER PRODUCT OF PATRIARCHY!!!
  • 8) Being gay is seen as weak — LOL PATRIARCHY
  • 9) There’s no getting around the size of your “manhood” — There are ways of getting around being SECURE with your manhood. One of those ways is called self-confidence. If you’re trying to compare the fact that you can’t get plastic surgery to make your dicks bigger with the fact that women can get plastic surgery for any part of their bodies, you need to realize that women are almost always valued solely for their bodies/looks in society. Women will always be criticized for their appearance, whether it be their weight, breast size, etc. The way people view your “manhood” is not comparable to the way most people view women’s bodies, specifically, your body is not constantly under a microscope of the public eye to be judged and objectified. Check out the documentary Miss Representation for a thorough examination of how fucked up the media representation of even the most powerful women in our country can be.
  • 10) You can’t report sexual assaults because being a male victim is worse than being the rapist — You only say this because cops are assholes. AND WHAT ARE ASSHOLE COPS A PRODUCT OF? PATRIARCHY! Also, they are known to treat rape victims like shit (i.e. asking women about what they were wearing when it happened to see if they “deserved” it, refusing to take rape cases seriously, etc.).
  • 11) No male specific support groups or movements — Trust me there are “men’s rights” groups but those groups are usually made up of Nice Guys who refuse to work with feminists towards equality because they assume that feminists are supporters of misandry. Misogyny is a systematic and institutionalized form of bigotry and oppression that permeates through every aspect of our society in ways that can be obvious or more subtle (rape culture and its perpetuation can be obvious or subtle and can sometimes be difficult for a man who has never felt its effects to detect, but either way it’s horrifying.) Misandry is not systematic and it is not institutionalized. The distrust or hatred of men is a rational reaction to misogyny, sexism, and cultural hegemony, which are ubiquitous and static. Statements like “can’t we all just be friends?” assume that there exists a level playing field. Until this level playing field truly exists, statements like these can easily be dismissed as childish, naive, shallow, frivolous and boring. [Source].

    By the way, there are many efforts to include men in feminist conversation: groups like Men Can Stop Rape and My Strength are doing really great things to help make the world a safer place for men and women, and these groups are breaking the expectations of what “real men” are capable of. The Good Men Project exists. Seattle Grrrl Army has male Arrrmy members, and men have even participated in Slutwalks.
  • 12) Women comparing incomparable experiences unique to both sexes — Errrr…yeah, that is the whole point. Not to compare incomparable experiences, but to point out the differences between privileges. Here’s a good way to break it down:

    “Men are afraid women will laugh at them or won’t have sex with them, women are afraid men will kill them. Rich people are upset that everyone else is calling them “greedy” instead of “job creators”, everyone else is upset that they can’t afford health care. White people are afraid of being called racist by people of color, people of color are afraid of being killed by white people (especially whi
    te people in positions of authority, like police). Straight people are afraid of having their “marriages ruined” by other people getting married, queer people are afraid of being beaten to death. Cis people are afraid of having to share a bathroom with someone different than they are, trans people are afraid of being murdered.

    This is really just a perfect X, Y statement to sum up the most basic tenet of privilege: if you are privileged, the majority of the time you don’t fear for your basic survival.”
  • 13) Unequal parental rights — I’m not well versed with this topic, cannot comment, tbqh
  • 14) Extreme feminists treating you less than human — I’m an intersectional feminist and I pride myself on treating everyone equally, and extreme feminists are not the only people capable of treating others less than human. It’s just easy for you to target them because you’re looking for somebody to blame.
  • 15) Women can blame all men or say they are all the same but if a man blames women they’re sexist pigs — Yeah, see my comment on #11, misandry is a real thing, blah blah blah, but have you ever TRULY suffered from misandry? Also, it depends on what you’re blaming a woman for…if a woman truly did something shitty to you, like shat on your pillow while you were sleeping, that was pretty shitty of her (let me say shitty again). But if she didn’t want to sleep with you after a few dates because she just wasn’t that into you, and you blame her for friend-zoning you, you are probably a sexist pig. See: The Friend Zone is Bullshit and Here is Why and Nice Guy Syndrome and The Friend Zone.
  • 16) People dismissing your problems automatically because the universe is obviously rigged in your favor in every scenario imaginable — You’re exaggerating here and it’s looking desperate. But you are correct when you imply that men have the upper hand/more control. I mean, have you ever gotten into a heated argument with a man about the constant fear of sexual assault and then immediately “lost” the argument because all he had to say was “You need to lighten up/stop letting yourself be so vulnerable/GET LAID,” which resulted in everyone around you laughing? Because I have. See also: Tyler, the Creator, Creates 43-year-old “Joke”
  • 17) No one will read this past the title — Except I did, so you can stop speaking for men and women all over the world by assuming that nobody ~*~*cares about the plight of men*~*~
  • P.S. You’re a Pussy if You Think There’s a War on Men

In summation, it’s PATRIARCHY that says men are “stupid” and “monolithic” and unchanging and incapable of being emotional. It’s patriarchy that says men have animalistic instincts and just can’t stop themselves from harassing and assaulting. It’s patriarchy that says men can only be attracted by certain qualities, can only have particular kinds of responses, can only experience the world in narrow ways. FEMINISM holds that men are capable of more — are more than that.

Also,

It is okay to not initially understand why something is oppressive. There is nothing inherently wrong with not knowing something. This society is not prone to teaching you. In fact, it encourages oppressive behaviors. That is why it is so important to take time to educate yourself about these problematic issues. And not expect anyone to be your educator.



As a final clarification, I’d just like to note that I’m not trying to attack the original poster, I’m trying to identify the root causes of the sentiments made in each bullet point. I’m not trying to invalidate the problems that many modern-day men are faced with. I’m pointing out that these gender-based bullshit social problems that face men are causations directly related with patriarchy, and that feminism IS relevant to men because it essentially supports the idea that no matter what your gender, race, social class, etc. is you have a right to being treated like a human being. Also I realize that labeling something as a product of patriarchy does nothing to invalidate it. My thought process is that when you can point out the root causes of problems that affect all genders, and strive for a mutual understanding of those problems, those are the first steps in realizing and working towards change.

(Source: spooky-spacedoutsparrow)